


Endless Loop

by theliatris



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drama & Romance, F/F, Mythology - Freeform, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:01:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21617278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theliatris/pseuds/theliatris
Summary: When someone whom you are dying to spend you life together is the one who causes your doom, over and over. When someone whom you are trying to hold can't remember you, again and again. How do we break this curse?
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Jo Haseul, Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul/Kim Hyunjin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	1. Building a Burnt Bridge

It was a dark winter night when she was born, cradled lovingly by her mother who couldn't seem to stop shivering. Shifting farther and farther from a fireplace in their living room, right across the couch they were sitting at prior the storm. There was something about fire, something igniting loud cry from the baby. Alas, putting off the fire was out of choice, the town was having a black out. It was completely dark outside, no lamp-post in their garden.

Despite the fact that she was born in August, it was a dark snowy winter night. 

★

Haseul wakes up with a jolt. It was that dream again. She looks outside the window and notices a crescent moon hanging above, has she always feared fire? Haseul never thinks about it much before, but her nightmare about the night when she was born keep appearing in her subconscious, she can’t help but to think about its possibility now. Shall she test it? Although, so far there has never been a problem with her encountering fire, not yet. Haseul shakes her head and massages her temple, she should stop thinking too much about every single one of her dream. It will only become a hindrance to her normal sleeping schedule if this goes on.

Haseul is about to grab her water bottle next to her bed when she notices another person lying in her dormitory room —in another bed facing a cupboard next to the door. This must be her new roommate, Haseul has heard about it earlier in the day. Someone who comes late in the semester and applies even more later for dorm's assignment, Haseul shivers imagining the amount of classes and club activity she has to catch in order to pass. This new girl is just lucky there is still a vacant spot to stay in, Haseul's old roommate just moves out two days ago, though Haseul doesn't know the reason why. She was always quiet and only talks when it's necessary. Not that it matters much, Haseul was always out for her choir club and sometimes council meeting got her stay in school until almost midnight. The fact that her old roommate moved out did bother her a bit, but she has too little info about her to wonder why. What about her new roommate? Will she be chatty? Will she be fun to befriend with? Haseul lies down and tries going back to dreamland (she has packed schedule later in the day, she can’t afford staying up all night long), now she is no longer facing a big window behind her back, she is looking straight at a woman sleeping in the same room as her until she falls deep, deep into her slumber. 

★

Chaos. The room goes into silence for a solid three seconds before chatters replace it. Haseul can hear protests under her peers’ breath, complaining that reassigning parts would be too difficult when their competition is right around the corner. It’s next week, not even exactly full week, it’s six days later. Reassigning parts would mean they have to do another practice (full blown daily cramming practices) when today is supposed to be their last practice, Haseul can understand why the air of choir’s club is tensed. Tensed when their last practice was smooth and calm just ten minutes ago, until a girl –new transferred girl who is coincidentally Haseul’s new roommate—barges into choir’s practice room and said she wants to apply. Haseul can easily say no, but something about her piques her curiosity, she decides there is no hurt in listening to her singing some lines for audition. 

Haseul never wants to cry as much as this moment. She introduces her name as Sooyoung –preferably called as Yves—and she immediately sits comfortably in front of their piano, in the left corner of the room. Haseul doesn’t know if she is imagining it, or if Yves knows she is the choir team’s president, but the moment Yves enters this room until this second, she never really lets her sight off of Haseul. She nods to her before playing the instrument and takes a deep breath, her melodious voice splurges out. She is singing like she just lost her dearest pet she has kept since childhood, she is singing like her heart is longing for someone she can no longer hold, someone whose presence doesn’t feel real anymore, but she keeps yearning. And Haseul never wants to cry as much as this moment.

She wants Yves’s voice in certain part of this performance, so bad, for her to have solo part, but her team is settled. This preparation for their upcoming competition is completed, they only need warming up here and there before the show, but to start it again? Giving some lines to Yves would cause a change to her members’ solo parts, they would rehearse some more, and it’s not going to help with their slight discomfort at new presence, new change. Natural response of human being towards sudden adjustment. Haseul heaves a sigh and walks from her center line, some of her members have sat down and watch Yves on her seat. Heejin steals a glance at Haseul and they exchange a short silent understanding, Haseul approaches Yves.

“You have a really beautiful voice,” Yves swiftly moves, giving space for Haseul to sit in the long chair, “it conveys emotion really well.” She continues.  
Yves nods, as if not wanting to interrupt and let Haseul delivers what she wants to tell her completely, without question halfway through.

“But we are having a big competition soon, and, and we have closed new member recruitment in September.” Choir club is always this way, closing recruitment in mid September and never really open new member anymore. Starting September, they are usually more focused in competition and events, be it small or big one. Unlike the other club, choir club is famous for their ‘exclusiveness’ and strict rules to follow. Having duo like Haseul and Heejin as its president and vice president helps to build its reputation. 

“If only you transfer here earlier, at least a week before, we would still be able to manage.” Haseul’s tone genuinely shows how regretful this decision is, however, it’s what she must take. 

“I understand.” Yves manages to smile before she stands up, she stares at Haseul for a minute, as if not considering other people in the room waiting to continue their practice. “It’s fine, really, it’s to be expected since I just transferred earlier and all.” Yves waves to the other team members and waves her hand, “You can continue your practice, sorry for the interruption.” Yves nods her head at them and back to Haseul, before she walks right towards the door and leaving them, leaving choir team with their immediate break –this time, officially by Heejin’s cue— as she approaches Haseul who is still sitting in front of the piano.

“You okay, capt?”  
No, she is not okay. There was a little pang at her heart when she saw Yves earlier, that slight disappointment in her eyes somehow bothers Haseul. As though there is something wrong that she is supposed to know, but she doesn’t. She gets faint familiar feeling from the way Yves talks to her, there is patience in every word she mutters, facing Haseul doesn’t feel like it’s her first experience. Shaking her head not to make the younger worried, Haseul stands up.  
“Is there anything you want for dinner?”  
“Um, sashimi sounds good.” Heejin knows this means an invitation for eating out together, Haseul would rather talk about personal matter outside practice room, far from their members. “After practice right away?”  
“Perfect. I know a place famous for its fresh fillet fish quality.” They both smile at each other, they’ve led together for two years and they have been supporting each other for as much as they need. “Let’s start, guys. Get up get up!” They say in unison, nudge each other arm and walks to their position –Haseul in the center and Heejin in the far right at front—one member with conductor role gets back at the front and facing them, they are starting to warm up and sing again.

★

It was alright, it was more than enough for her, to see her doing what she loves, to know she is leading a group full of talented people with such wisdom and authority. She is proud. She is proud of her Haseul. Yves grips a brochure of theater club in her hand, it’s alright. It’s more than enough. She will do another thing she knows she is proud of.

“Yves unnie!” a cheerful voice, Yves looks up and finds someone she just met this morning in class, Jiwoo, quickly walking to her with a box of properties in her hands.

“Have you decided to join us? The practice is about to start and you can come with me, perfect timing!” Jiwoo says with a wide grin full of excitement, her ponytail is moving as she seems to jump a little too much for someone holding a cardboard box with props. It makes Yves smile.

“Do you need help holding this?” she offers a hand instead.  
“No, no. I am quite strong, you know! I can hold it by myself.”  
“Alright..” they walk slowly side by to side now, Yves is looking at the brochure in her hand once more, Jiwoo gave it to her in class this morning, she told her there is only small play this month for practice. Theater club won’t have big play until after Halloween, so there is still more than a month to adjust and fit in. But, Yves was just too curious to try out choir team, for her personal reason, as a chance to sing more as well.

“Jiwoo, actually, I think… I know where I should go.” They stop in front of an intersection of corridors. Jiwoo turns her head around to see Yves, surprisingly still with a wide grin without any hint of surprised on her eyes. “What club?”  
“In my previous school.. I do dance,”

… and in all of my life I seem to only know dance the best. It was always dance.  


“so, I will join dance club, I think?”  
Yves is very surprised when Jiwoo drops her props box suddenly and holds her shoulders. “Unnie!”  
“Unnie go for it if that’s your forte!” Jiwoo shakes her and Yves can only feel like she can breath a little, yeah, she gets the skill for it, doesn’t she?  


“You go to the left now, and go upstair right after the art room, you will find dance team’s room in the largest room you can find. You know, their dance practice room is wide enough inside.”  
“Alright, thank you Jiwoo. You help me a lot today.” With a new recharged energy, Yves walks to the left, after waving a good bye to Jiwoo who goes straight –now holding her box again—towards her theater hall in which she has been awaited for a little too long.  


★  


What trigger it? What happened today that ignites fire in her heartstring, burning her chest with immense pain she can’t stop crying. What cause it? When she went home after eating out with Heejin earlier, Haseul thought she would be relieved of uneasiness, she told Heejin about how Yves’s familiarity when she is around makes her uncomfortable. She told Heejin how there is unsettled feeling creeping inside her when she listens to her voice, when she was singing earlier, when she talks to her, and Haseul is supposed to share a dormitory’s room with her until they graduate? She thought it was just a new feeling for meeting a new person.  


But she can’t hold her tears, not when she enters her room in darkness, not even when there was nobody inside, not when she decides to chug down a sleeping pill to help her sleep better. She still sleeps horribly. She still has that nightmare. Albeit a different nightmare this time.  


Haseul clutches her chest, she can’t see it but it almost feels like smoke is slipping from her lungs. She can’t stop crying when she doesn’t even seem to know why. Haseul pulls her pillow and buries her head beneath it, she knocks her chest under the blanket. Her sheet is soaked with tears. To hell with her nightmare who can’t leave her more frequently this time. Nightmare that comes out as too real she suspects if someone hits her in the dream she would wake up with a bruise.  


Haseul doesn’t know when is her door swung open, she doesn’t realize when someone walks inside carefully and closes the door without a sound. She is still snorting and hitting her own head for being unable to stop producing tears. It trickles down her cheeks and falls to her chin.  


“I’m sorry.” A whisper, a voice she longs for when she just heard it this afternoon. A palm lands on Haseul’s pillow, “I’m sorry.” Her voice sounds like a muffled tears, it was nearly inaudible, but Haseul hears it. She knows who is it, she seems to know it too well. It’s Yves. The pain in Haseul’s chest is choking her.  


Haseul has no energy to turn back, or to even ask why, asks an explanation, she has no energy to talk. She edges closer to her wall, inches farther from Yves.  
She doesn’t know when does she go, but when Yves’s presence is no longer there, Haseul gradually stops crying. She falls asleep from exhaustion.  


Little did she know, Yves is fighting her urge to cry as she leans against their room’s door outside.


	2. The Bridge is Still Burning

Haseul wakes up from her sleep with a loud pounding, invisible hammer seems to hitting her head repeatedly. She massages her head and opens her eyes carefully, trying to adjust with sunlight that seeps through her window. She is just getting up to a sitting position when Yves comes out from their bathroom. 

“You wake up? Good morning.”

‘No. Not a good morning if you are the first person I see.’

Haseul shrugs her shoulders. Not in the mood for small talk if her buzzing headache is killing her. She gets down from her bed and walks past Yves, she wants to take a bath, she has early meeting with student council before going to her class. Today is October third, the Halloween festival is going to be her last project she participates in and that only means she will retire from student council in less than a month. Along with all the seniors. 

But no. Haseul has to stop her walk abruptly when she feels a hand grabbing her shoulder.

“Are you okay?” 

Haseul raises her eyebrow upon the question, when did they start being friendly? Sure they talked in a good manner after Yves did an audition for her choir club, but they have never talked or introduced themselves properly as roommates. Haseul is not in the mood for friendly greeting either. Not today. Her headache is making her cranky. Added with some reason she can’t put her fingers onto. Seeing Yves just, seems to rub her the wrong way as soon as she wakes up.

“What did you dream about? You.. uh,” Awkward. Yet she has the gut to continue. “You seemed to be crying in your sleep last night.”

Haseul flinches. She lifts her chin and stares at Yves, for some reason, that question just pisses her off so much. She can’t explain why, but the fact that Yves can ask her what did she dream about so nonchalantly annoys her to hell. Her headache seems to be messing with her a lot, didn’t she feel bad about Yves just yesterday?

“Why do you care about my dream?”

Yves is taken aback by a reaction she never expects would get. She releases her grip and takes a step back, allowing Haseul to turn herself towards the bathroom. She really doesn’t talk about anything else and go straight towards to bath. 

“I wish I could tell you who am I.” Yves mumbles to herself when pretty sure no one could hear, no one was within her radius anymore in the room. "Maybe I should try. I should try talking to you." 

★

School's cafetaria is always crowded on daily basis but it's exceptionally more crowded than usual that day. More than enough people to witness the commotion.

Haseul swears if she knew this would happen, she would rather just drink some milk in the vending machine. Right in front of her now, stood a woman she has been avoiding since morning, holding her wrist and tells her she wants to talk. Out of all place, why must it be here when Haseul is holding he lunch tray with one hand, with dozens pair of eyes to see them. No, if that was just a simple talk, people wouldn't pay attention too much. They would just proceed to eat their lunch properly, the crab stew today is too worth it to be skipped. 

But right as soon as Haseul shows a slight surprised reaction at Yves's sudden hold, Vivi who is standing next to her drops her lunch tray to the nearest table and releases Haseul's arm from Yves's grip. 

"Next time when we are not rushing to eat before the bell rings? She has an appointment with her music teacher after this." Vivi smiles kindly, too kind even her tone gives some chills to spine. 

What a high school drama. 

"Wow everyone is exceptionally attentive today." another voice that's not one of those three breaks the silence.

Jinsoul (who seems to be running earlier) stands between them and randomly waves at people she catches redhanded staring at the commotion. 

"Guys. Today is my 178 days with Hyunjin and I want to celebrate." Yves raises her eyes at Jinsoul, she is not surprised to know they are dating as soon as she joins the dance club yesterday but the number.. it sounds as if Jinsoul is just blurting a random excuse, what couple celebrate their 178 days?

"Anyone who can eat their lunch quickly without talking at all will get a chance to submit a name to me. I willl then roll a wheel to decide two winners, the winners get to ask me one thing, and the other one can ask Hyunjin."

"Hey, why dragging my name!" Hyunjin, who is right behind Jinsoul, still holding hands with her, protests as soon as her name is mentioned but she doesn't seem to mind when Jinsoul just grins widely at her.

Haseul nods at Jinsoul, a silence gratitude. If anyone ever doubts Jinsoul's capability as school council's vice president, this is one of the example where she can show how reliable can she. People listen to her, though sometimes it sounds like it includes a need of reward, Jinsoul always makes sure it's not a materialize thing. Yet, people are still willing to listen. 

Vivi and Haseul are about to sit to the nearest table where Vivi puts her tray earlier when Jinsoul leans to them, especially to Haseul. 

"You are welcome, my event coordinator."

Haseul snorts, she can't have her lunch without being reminded of Halloween school festival, the last festival she will handle before retiring and focusing on exam. Jinsoul giggles, satisfied. 

Once Haseul and Vivi sit, Jinsoul makes a turn to pull Yves a little closer and whispers, "That was quite a drama. Mind to spill your tea? Let's do some dancing club bonding."

Yves can't answer anything when Jinsoul just pulls her along with Hyunjin to sit in an empty table. Might as well making another set of friends, right? They are from the same club after all.

"You two are so awkward with each other, you know that? Are you two ex girlfriends in the past?" Jinsoul asks as soon as they sit. To the point. Spot on. 

Though not necessarily true.

"Kinda.." that's the only answer Yves gives, before she decides to add another word. "It's complicated."

"No shit sherlock." Hyunjin blurts out, resulting in Jinsoul glaring at her as a warning about language.

"But she seems to be angry with you, is it grudge from the past? You cheated on her?" 

Yves heaves a long sigh, she can't possibly tell people without taking a risk to be seen as a liar, or even worse obsessive to the point she makes some unbelievable story. It has always been hard to explain people why her story and Haseul is tragic and will always haunt her. 

"It's not that.. yesterday she was still nice to me. I don't know why this morning she starts to show that she hates me, and she has been avoiding me whenever I try to ask."

Jinsoul stops munching on her bread. "She was coming to council room so early this morning. We had a meeting. How could she be mad? You two met at dawn?" 

Yves scratches her head, another sigh slips out.

"We are roommates."

Hyunjin and Jinsoul stare at each other in disbelief.

"You are so doomed."

"The world is too funny."

"It is. Funny and always think I am a joke." Yves complete their words.

Yeah, the world is too funny. _and cruel to them._

★

"I'm sorry for earlier." Haseul massages her temple, she barely has appetite to finish her lunch, she just occasionally takes a bite of some sausages and the crab meat in the stew. Her rice is barely touched.

Vivi shakes her head and a warm smile escapes her lips. "It's okay, I saw her today walking around our class many times. I just thought it would make you uncomfortable."

"Yeah, it does. Thanks really."

"Do you wanna talk?"

Haseul contemplates whether she should tell Vivi or just wait until she meets Lip later to talk about her weird dream and her weird feeling around her new roommate. But Lip told her via kakao today that she will be a little busy preparing for some rearrangement and choreography for her project. She has no choice. She can't keep it inside her head alone or else it may explode.

"My roommate is weird." She begins.

Vivi calmly listens without interrupting Haseul, her eyes told Haseul to continue.

"Or it's me who is weird? I don't know." She shrugs her shoulders. "I always feel some pain when I see her.. yesterday it was her singing that made me want to cry, I thought it was due to her song choice and her ability to convey emotion that it could be that sad."

She takes a long inhale and pushes her tray farther to the side, no longer has the will to finish her food. 

"Last night I had a nightmare.. let's say there is a person in my dream that disappointed me a lot. I am pretty sure the sadness and pain I felt in my dream was creeping through my bone and lets me feel it too. It was so weird.. and I felt pain in my sleep. Until this morning my roommate asked me what did I dream about. It made me snap."

Vivi extends her hand to reach Haseul's, an attempt to calm her down and encourages her to continue only when she is ready. 

But Haseul nods, she wants to be ready.

"There is something, it was as if the fact that she can easily ask me without knowing my pain anger me. It was as if she is supposed to know without asking. It was really weird and I don't even know why.. but I don't want to be near her. It's hurtful to be near her. This doesn't make sense." 

"Maybe there was something we can't explain yet. But your feeling is valid, Seul... If you feel it, then you feel it. I understand." 

She understands, she says. How relieving it is to be heard. Haseul swears she could hug Vivi right there if she is brave enough. She knows she can trust Vivi and she doesn't regret it. 

★ 

Haseul's dream the night before.

_When two people are in love, they love deep, they love hard. They love like the universe can be beaten when they are together. But two people are always two people, no matter how big, how pure, how clear your love is._

_It lingers in her head, it lurks there when she is in her arms, held dearly by a presence much too important in her life. “You love me. You finally love me.”_

_It hurts so much when the person she loves saying that. At first she thought it was nowhere near physical, she thought it brings her back to a month ago, when she said something similar. “You remember, finally you remember me.” She thought it pain in her stomach means nothing, until she sees her clothes burning, literally._

_“We really can’t stop it? We can never win?” they look at each other, hands on cheeks, peppering each other with small kisses wherever they can, in every seconds they are about to run out of, they hold each other tightly._

_So tight yet they can feels the fire slipping right between them, they lost again, this time too._

_The scene shifted._

_There was no old style house anymore, as though they travelled in time machine, but it was not the case. It was from another era._

_She woke up feeling ecstatic. She remembered her, all of her feeling were gradually back to the surface, she recognized her. She recognized her first love, her only love._

_“Sooyoung, ba-”_

_“Do we know each other?”_

_They stared at each other for so long, she tried to find any sign of joking from her partner's eyes but she couldn't find any. It was purely a confusion and she seemed to be dead serious._

_Haseul could feel her legs failing her, she could dropped down in this vinyl store's floor now, ignoring the queue behind her, ignoring the strange stare from the cashier in front of her. Now that she remembered Sooyoung, it’s her turn to forget? The world is really funny and cruel to them. The world is truly funny and cruel to Sooyoung, and Haseul._

✩

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO! I am putting this project on hold as I decide to focus on my other works in progress. I am planning to remake this one with a proper timeline sometimes in the future. Thank you for reading, I hope to see you later.


End file.
